Parenting 101

…By the way the party is tomorrow and it is a co-ed  sleep over.  Can I go?

A million thoughts go through my head.  First I trust my daughter.  I know that she is smart and intelligent and would not do anything to move her off the direction she is traveling;  high school graduation, move on to college and a career in math and or Spanish with a possible dance pit stop on the way.

Then what kind of parents will allow such a party?  Will there be alchahol there etc…

… but these are all kids she has known since 7th grade…

Maybe I don’t trust people and I don’t consider myself naive but I don’t want to put our daughter in a dangerous situation.

To the Cups Known as D

This morning I took care of some untidy financial business.   Dcup and I both have avoided these issues like the plague our relationship was six months ago.  But during a brief phone call, I told her that I am talking over the action and she said that she would handle part of the job, too.  I would like to say that was simple but  it wasn’t.  It has taken us years and stuggle after struggle to deal with our finances together as partners.

Communication has been difficult at best for us. We know that we like and love each other but sometimes she or I goes through phases when we don’t say it. So, I am saying it now. I like you Dcup and I love you, too.  I have been doing lots of reflecting about how we communicated in the past.

I recall working at Radio Shack and not being very receptive to work phone calls.  The job was up and down; the pace could go from slow to fast in seconds. I am afraid that I was short and appeared angry during those times, particularly on the phone.  So, I want to apologize for acting and or appearing angry during those early years of our relationship.

I feel like I missed an opportunity back then to come home and to cherish our relationship and you and what we had and we could have had back then.  Now is different. I am glad that we have skirted another close call.  I look forward to talking to you and seeing you when you get home tonight.

I Can’t Get It Out Of My Head

Mowing the lawn and frying bacon are a winning combination.  The mistake I made, maybe, was cooking bacon for the children yesterday morning.  Now they have come to expect it. I start back to school, officially July 30 but next week I have to attend a 3 day seminar.  Bacon will take a back seat.

More work will take my mind off the money, it has been the most difficult part of our relationship. The roar of the mower had me thinking how are we going to catch up on the mortgage.  Nope, I can’t call… or … Fuck.

Back to the mower, “I need to cut the tall grass along the field lines. “And I need a new belt for this old self propelled mower.”  I recalled we bought the mower back in 2000… I am not going there… Then the mower ran out of gas and I poured a little gas from the strategic reserves into the tank.  I finished that section of the lawn.

The last fight – because we are talking these days.

Coping with life and the curveball

How do I say, “My wife’s been raped?” A word that is discomforting in itself and to think that the person who I love has been violated, created instant guilt. I let her go and did not say, “stay here with me, us and would rather you be near me.” But I was not there to stop or change the situation. The line had been drawn in the sand, by us. There was no turning back from leaving. .

The phone rang at 4:45 AM. It was my wife, she was not happy. I could feel the angst in her voice. She told me that the apartment did not live up to expectations. I felt pain for her.

Soon she revealed what the rapist had done to her. Fear, anger and sadness passed over me in an instant. I was overwhelmed with helplessness. We talked and decided that she needed to leave, again, but this time to come home.

We talked as she gathered up her belongings in order to make a stealthy exit. Over the phone line I scrutinized every noise, door slam and creaking stair. Are done yet? How many more trips must you make? No, leave that we don’t need it anymore. Are you done? All, questions I asked or thought about while she worked to get out.

I felt relief when I knew she was in her car driving home. We talked for many hours that day and recommitted to each other. Sometimes our relationship needs defribulation. A shock or jolt to remind us that we love each other, not only that but to show us we can weather a self-created storm. This time the shock was devastating but I will not let my wife go, I want her to be with me and I will stand by her as it is necessary for us.